Discussing Divorce With The Kids

Divorce isn’t easy and can be a drawn out sometimes ugly mess. When children are involved it can be even worse. When starting a family of course you never thought that one day it would ever fall apart. Divorce rates are at an all time high unfortunately. That means more and more families are being divided. Discussing divorce with your children will never be easy and should be handled with the utmost care. The fears parents have regarding their children during a divorce is how the children are affected by it. Knowing that it is healthier for you and your spouse to be separated will be a better example for the child in the future. That though their parents tried everything they could they could not be happy together and it is important and healthy to be happy. That example alone will be something the child may notice and appreciate but not usually until they are much older. To ease the stresses of divorce on your children discuss it with them.


It is very important to explain to your child or children that the divorce was not their fault. Children will often feel as if they hold some sort of responsibility to the divorce. Whether it was something they said, did, or didn’t do. The children will often blame themselves. Younger children will need to be reminded quite continuously that there is nothing that they did to cause this. Although this conversation may be difficult it will probably have to be repeated. Children may not even say that they are the cause of the divorce but often will think about what did they do to cause it. It is not their fault make sure that is expressed.


This will be a very emotional time for the whole family. Make sure that affection is given with plenty of hugs, kisses for the younger ones, and emotional support. It is normal for the children to pull away from you during this time. Give them their space but not too much. Don’t close off the lines of communication. It is important to remain or become closer to your children during this time. When the child is apart from the other parent it is important they have something that reminds them of that parent. Whether that is a picture or some kind of keep sake just have them know that you will always be thinking of the child while you’re apart.  


Make sure regardless of the circumstances that you do not speak negatively about the other parent. Situations can make this difficult but it is important that the child or children are not around negative discussions. It can create issues for your child and changes are already occurring in their environment keep adult conversations with adults only.


Knowing that divorce is the only option is scary not just for adults but for the children as well. Make this transition easy for them. Explain that the blame is not on them, show the children love, and communicate. When the child or children are older they will appreciate that your and your former spouse worked together to make this as easy as they could for them.